Dr Phil Feb 19, 2019 | An Estranged Father Finally Confronts His Children

 Dr Phil Feb 19, 2019 | An Estranged Father Finally Confronts His Children
 Dr Phil Feb 19, 2019 | An Estranged Father Finally Confronts His Children

Both parents "have a horse in this race" but the father seems to have the bulk of the issues. He's a very angry man. I also had a father who was angry for as long as I could remember. I finally had to write him out of the narrative of my life. It was simply too hurtful and harmful to my self-esteem to continue with the relationship. Sometimes, there is just no other way.

This father is hopeless..hes so stuck in his own head and being a victim that he cant even stop to save his relationships with his children.

Oh my word, it's so painful to watch this man feel sorry for himself. Even when the door opened and he could just embrace the moment, he is standing there feeling sorry for himself. He hates the mom, thats the only major issue here, it's not that he missed the kids, he just wanted to show how much he hates her.

I think the father needs to move on in his own life a lot more before trying to co-parent his kids with his ex-wife. He’s too wrapped up in the past to let bygones be what they are in reality.

 

When did this Father and Mother,put any KIDS first,damn I hate tearing kids,even adult ones is so wrong,the 1 thing I did right was ALWAYS make sure mine was,is happy and has both parents at her back💞

 

Well she seems to be very meticulous about how she collects all her evidence, yet she can't recall if she had told him before or after the two times she moved the kids and didn't make him a part of that. I would say he has a right to be untrusting of her, but he shouldn't be holding the kids responsible for not being in his life. Thats on him. The moms inept ways of keeping the dad in the picture are just ridiculous. She hasn't done crap except for keeping him walled out.

 

 

I love that he described loving parents in separate accounts and that loving one 100% takes nothing from the separate account towards the other. I’m 31 years old and really needed to hear this!

 

oh that man is soooo not worth having as a father.... kids, move on and find other father figures. You know he's taking out his anger at the mom on the kids, that's never going to change.

He is an angry Man wth major issues, but I do not like that Mother even more. She takes no ownership in her fault, and I could see she is a major passive aggressive straight away.

 

Unsure as to why they involved the grown adults into this, they are no longer children and can make their decision themselves wether or not to pursue a relationship with their father. If those parents can’t get along, best they avoid each other completely and have no contact, they don’t need to be texting or calling each other. They’re both childish, the father more so than the mother.

 

Your kids don't abandon you, you abandon them. They're children, they have no choice, you're the parent you have the horrible option to leave them, and never try to establish a relationship again.

 

I have empathy for this Father. I have been living in a similar situation to him. The mother has committed child abuse and is a selfish insensitive parent. Her parental rights should have been removed years ago.

 

He wants to play the victim at all times even at the expense of their children and be a bitter old man. Out of two train wrecks, the mom has the most potential but I feel the father is a lost cause because he has to win to feel better about himself and refuses to get insight that doesn’t fully blame his ex. His behavior towards his children and not willing to own up to even some of them are just disgusting especially since he’s gotten physical with two. He’s lucky they’re giving him the time of day because he’s just toxic and will likely bring more drama to any family function because it’s all about him and his feelings.

 

I feel so bad for the guy this lady through the ringer and she sits their like she did nothing to this man this is why he feel like a victim not Saying he doesn't have a part to play in this but she's f@$k up too

 

He has to stop being so angry at the mom and let it go.and start just loving his kids again- And caring about being with them- he seems to just want control and want something versus the actual kids. He just wants to WIN and he wants HER to be cut out- Crazy.

 

Both parents are at fault but I can understand his anger. It's amazing that he was regarded as Father of the Year right up until they got divorced. I bet he has moved on with a new woman in his life and it's eating up his ex. I have seen that happen more times than I care to remember.

 

That thug is confronting THEM? He looks like he’s been in and out of rehab 10+ times. Who’s the one with the legacy of abuse sir? Who’s the one that needs to be confronted?

 

I do believe that the father has acted badly, and I think the mother is the one who probably will not change. She has shown huge alienating behaviors ... Father presents well, because ... "Alienating parents tend to present well; targeted parents tend to present poorly. As a rule, alienating parents present with the Four C’s. They are cool, calm, charming, and convincing. That is because effective alienators tend to be master manipulators who are highly skilled at managing impressions, especially initial impressions. These traits are usually related to an underlying personality disorder, typically of the borderline, narcissistic, and/or sociopathic types. In contrast, targeted parents tend to present with the Four A’s. They are anxious, agitated, angry, and afraid. That is because they are trauma victims. They are attempting to manage a horrific family crisis, usually without success, often while being attacked by professionals who fail to recognize the counterintuitive issues. Indeed, non-specialists often get these cases backwards— they conclude that the alienating parent is the more competent parent. That is likely to be a catastrophic error unless a judge or other more sophisticated observer recognizes and corrects it. " Dr. Stephen Miller Forensic Psychiatrist and M.D., Massachusetts, USA

 

Unfortunately I admit I have had a very similar experience to this family. Without going into details I am currently in the same emotional space as this man although I recognise my contribution to the loss of my relationship with my children. I attempt to reconnect with my children when I believe I am in the right head space to deal with the rejection I feel. I acknowledge that my ex and I are currently not able to have any communication so I have always tried to maintain as much of a no contact situation between us as possible. This no contact further alienates me. When I re-establish contact some thing will happen that re-ignites the conflict which again further alienates me. With this knowledge I always try to build my contact with the children in isolation to the ex so that these problems do not occur but each time I give my number to the children my ex will eventually use this communications channel as a means to have direct contact with me. I know that if my children start communicating with me and allow our relationship to either grow or fade with out involvement of my ex I will be able let go of all the anger I feel because I will be able to see that what ever results is not manipulated by my ex. I would have loved to be able to go on this show and get the guidance and support of the Dr Phill network. I would be able to take all criticism of my own actions and take any advice that was offered to me. Trying to do this in total isolation is more difficult than you could imagine. I would love my children to tell me all of the reasons they are angry with me and refuse to communicate with me. To have them give me information and a direction which will give me a hope of one day having a normal relationship with them would be amazing. But for 5 years all I have gotten from them is silence and without them expressing their opinions and feelings I have nothing to go on to direct my actions in the future

 

Why is Dr. Phil wasting his time with these two? Seriously. I know he would say its because of the kids, but these two aren't even TRYING to be grownups and calm down and own up to their problems and work together to find a peaceful solution. They SAY they want the children to have a relationship with both of them, but their actions say otherwise. She says she wants the kids to have a relationship with their father, but yet she ignores all of these written requests regarding the children and their care, the visitations, phone calls etc., she changes their schools and moves without his knowledge or giving him the address where his children are.....she forbids him from seeing them for 6 months....when he comes to do visitation, she forbids him from seeing his kids and says "get a lawyer". And then rather than change it, she wants to defend these actions to Dr. Phil. How exactly is that allowing him to have a bond? Dad is saying "I don't want to be right....I know my behavior has been outrageous" but yet when Dr. Phil points out what he's doing wrong, he wants to defend that behavior and play the poor helpless victim. He has a restraining order (I'm guessing this is meant for his wife) but rather than being a man and taking it to her, he goes to his daughter's school and shows it to her for some reason and chases her through the hallways until he traps her in the bathroom and the police are called. How is THAT being a good father? He asks what he should have done? If you were supposed to pick your daughter up from school, you WAIT outside and when she is done with her school day, she will get in your car and you take her home. You go to the principal's office and say you need to pick up your daughter and this is why. You don't go in and chase her through the school and humiliate her with your drama in front of her teachers and friends. That's not being a good parent. And rather than say "This is wrong and I am sorry. What can I do, as their father and husband, to better myself so I can be a better role model for my children, he is DEFENDING this behavior and justifying it by saying "she made me do it after 20 years of hell". It spoke VOLUMES to me when Dr. Phil told the Dad to come with him....that he had told the kids if they wanted a relationship with their father to be waiting on the other side of the door and if they didn't, this was THEIR chance to tell their father that....and when the door opened, both of his children were standing there on the other side and ran to give him a hug. Speaking as a child whose parents divorced when I was 12, I KNOW the pain those kids have endured. It took me years to heal the relationship with my father but now we are very close. Those kids being on the other side of that door told me quite clearly that they love their dad. They want to heal their relationship and forgive him and be a happy family.

 

after watching this i am so grateful for my wusband. we split when our son was four and never ever missed a ballgame, tae kwon do match, birthday, christmas, concert - now we're just a big ol' blended family. he and his wife with her daughter and new baby with her husband and his daughter. holidays are craaazzy. but we're all very fortunate. our son doesn't even live in the area any longer and we all get together still for the birthdays and everything else. we babysit each other's animals. we're no one special - but it just shows if you put your heart and mind toward the kid first, well then everything else falls into place. this didn't happen overnight mind you - it took some time....but if we can do it anyone can.

 

I understand the dads frustration. The mom changed schools? Several times? And took THEIR children away?! No I couldn’t imagine. He is going at it in the WORST way. But he’s so frustrated, and it shows. The mom is so difficult to work with so he just feels hopeless.

 

Both of these parents are unbelievable. I think he's acting like an ass. But because she's set his ass up real good and he walked right into it. I'm surprised that there kids haven't disowned both of them! Cause I would have! I walk have said he guys can stay here n kill each other but I have a life n I'm gonna go live it. N that's exactly what I've done

 

Does it bother anyone else that Dr. Phil seems to be employing more theatrics along with an increase in a smugness and thinly veiled disdain for his guests? His "let's see if they're behind that door" is just Springer with a more educated audience. He seems more invested in promoting his obviously surgically altered wife's skincare line. Sensationalized and insensitive.

 

Yeah the father is a twat, but the mother is a typical woman.....she is INCREDIBLY dramatic!! Also I grew up with a violent father, but also a violent mother too. So i know what it feels like to be attacked suddenly for no apparent reason and then have them not take responsibility for their actions and say it was my fault. Yes I was abused, just like these two apparently were too.

 

I gave up.. this guy is the biggest victim I've ever seen in my entire life... my husband hasnt been able to see his son in 6 years because of a cunt of a mother so i am usually very sympathetic to men in this situation.. its all EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT besides his.. sociopath with zero empathy for his own kids.